happy birthday boys!

in celebration of the boys turning ONE i thought i would write down their birth story. because it's a good one.

the morning of december 3rd i woke up and just felt different. i had been feeling so much pressure the weeks leading up to the big day but it just felt more intense, which i didn't think was even possible. so in the back of my mind i thought "i think something is going to happen today", but i didn't get my hopes up.

that afternoon i had my last appointment, and andrew had to drop me off at the door because i could barely walk. i peed in a cup one last time (that was getting ugly people), got weighed one last time (YIKES) and waddled back to the room. our doctor came in and i figured he would want to check me since the previous week i was already at a 3-4cm. but he just talked us through the induction process- i had one scheduled for the following week- did a quick ultrasound and said "i'm excited to deliver these babies next week!" that was it. i almost asked him to check me but the thought of having to get my pants off and back on made me keep my mouth shut. so we slowly made our way back to the car and i dropped andrew back off at work. now, at this point i hadn't been driving anywhere by myself. but it just had to happen that way that afternoon. and of course it was raining, which means the people of san diego turn psycho and forget how to drive. we saw two accidents on our way to the doctor. so it really is a miracle i made it home without anything happening.

i got home around 4:00 and was exhausted so i laid down on the couch in my mom's living room, aka the nice couches. she and emery were watching a show in the other room. around 4:40 i felt the pop. and then a tiny leak. and then i stood up and the flood gates opened. thank the lord i didn't ruin my mom's couch! i yelled over to my mom "um...my water just broke!" and the party got started. my mom called my dad at work to come stay with em and i went and struggled to get my soaking wet pants off. and no joke within 5 minutes i went from having no contractions to pretty strong ones about every 3-5 minutes. my mom drove me to the hospital and in the 20 minute drive my contractions got INTENSE. andrew met us there and his first sight of me was having to brace myself as i got out of the car because a contraction started. those things suck.

we made it up to triage and got called back to get checked. the nurse wanted me to get hooked up to the monitor to check the babies but i just couldn't get myself on the bed. andrew had to get my clothes off and the gown on me because i wasn't getting a break from contractions. finally she said to try to get on the bed after a contraction ended so she could just check me and we'd go from there. well ladies and gentlemen i was at a 7. so she forgot about monitoring the babies and got me in a room right away. this is where things get blurry in my memory. i remember a lot of people in the room. two nurses tried getting my iv to stay but i was drenched in sweat so the tape wasn't sticking. the on call doctor telling me for what felt like the millionth time "baby a is head down but baby b is transverse right now so there's the chance he may not cooperate with a vaginal delivery." she then checked me again- i had been in the room for probably no more than 30 minutes- and i was at a 10. ready to go. baby time! times TWO!

they wheeled me into the operating room (standard procedure with multiples even if you deliver vaginally) and at this point i just needed to push, i was in so much pain. but i also wanted to make sure i had an epidural and it worked just in case all the stuff the doctors had told me might happen actually DID happen. i had an awful experience getting an epidural with emery and my worst fear was having something like that happen again and then the delivery turn into an emergency c section and i had to be put under. the odds of that happening were so slim but it still scared me. so the angel anesthesiologist worked his magic and boom epidural in and working in less than 5 minutes. i never saw his face but i'd kiss him if i did.

it was time to push. so i started. about 10 minutes in the doctor called out into the hall "tell dr. so-and-so he doesn't need to come in for another 45 minutes" (two babies=two doctors) and when she said that i thought "oh HELL no, i'm not pushing for two hours like i did with emery!" so something in me made that next push really count and everyone said "keep that up!" the other doctor rushed in, and about 20 minutes later little oliver made his way into the world. they did a quick ultrasound and judah was a good boy and turned head down, and seven minutes later he joined his brother. at 7:13 we became a family of four and at 7:20 a family of five. and life hasn't been the same since.

the boys had to be checked out right away since they were technically premies, but everything looked perfect and they handed both of them to me and that's when it really sunk in that we had TWO babies. i remember having both of them in one arm and they looked so tiny but felt so heavy haha! (side note- we make huge babies. they weighted 6lbs 5oz and 5lbs 12oz)

we still can't figure out how the heck we made identical redheads but i guess we are just extra lucky. and one year later, life hasn't gotten much easier. they came into the world fast and furious and that's how we've been living since. there's still lots of poop and barf and tears, but god has blessed us beyond measure and we are trusting in his plan for these blue eyed babes. oliver gives the silliest flirty smiles, is cautious and sensitive, extremely observant, and is the talker out of the two. judah is (and has been since they we inside me) our crazy child, so adventurous, loves climbing, not as quick to give a smile as ollie, has serious highs and lows with his emotions, and can scarf down an entire banana in about 45 seconds. i can't wait to watch their personalities blossom even more over this next year. they truly are our greatest adventure.

a quick update

hi everyone! it's been awhile. we actually have had break from appointments so there's not a whole lot to talk about. two little things; the boys' surgery dates got moved up a little bit. ollie is now on january 11th and judah is on the 22nd. and some exciting news; the company we ended up choosing for the boys (Med El) wants to do something with their story- not exactly sure what yet- and they want to come film their activation. so they are turning into little celebrities in the CI world! other than that nothing much to report. judah has his MRI next week so praying the results are good just like his brother. and then he will be officially approved for the surgery. and then we have our first pre-op appointment. and then the craziness begins with the new year. we are enjoying this time of not being at some sort of appointment weekly and are looking forward to the holidays and of course the boys turning ONE!

mark your calendars

last week we officially booked oliver's surgery! january 22nd this little boy goes in and gets his ears. and judah isn't officially booked yet since we are still waiting for his MRI/CT, but they've blocked out the 29th for him. so it should be an interesting few weeks dealing with two post-op babies.

here's what life will look like once we get close to surgery:

a month before we meet with the surgeon (who is so sweet and everyone speaks so highly of) and then again a week before. the morning of surgery we show up at 6:30, and at 8:30 it's go time. the surgery should take 4-5 hours for both ears and the poor little babies will have a big bandage wrapped around their heads for a few days. a week after we go back to the surgeon, and then again a month after.

now for the exciting/scary/nerve wracking/praying so hard part... the activation. three weeks after surgery they will get "turned on". we are hoping-along with the whole CI team- that we'll be able to activate the boys at the same time. they've become serious celebrities over there so everyone wants to see them start this journey together. this could go one of many ways. i'm preparing myself for the worst, lots of crying and scariness. i know i'll be an emotional wreck no matter how it goes. anyways, when they first turn their devices on it's at a pretty low level so the boys don't get completely bombarded with sound and freak out. we'll go back a week later and they'll make adjustments. and then at the one month mark, three month mark, six month mark, nine month mark and one year mark. and from there i think it's only an annual visit.

the other side of being activated is the beginning of speech therapy. as soon as they're on they start once a week for the entire first year of having implants. again, we are hoping they can go together! our speech therapist said she would love to have them both come at the same time and as long as they don't go in opposite paths and need serious one-on-one attention it should be no problem. and really it should benefit them, watching each other and playing and interacting in a learning environment.

it's starting to feel real now that we've come to the end of the evaluation process and our next step is the actual surgery. of course i'm so nervous about the procedure and i am dreading that morning- times two. but i'm excited and hopeful that these boys will finally hear us say their names.

somebody called the cops...

well, it only took my boys nine months to get the cops called on them.

we were out to dinner with some good friends and left the boys at home with my friend mary and her mom. as we were coming down the street on our way home we saw cop cars a few houses up from ours and wondered what was going on. turns out they came to our house. someone had called reporting neglect and/or abuse because our kids scream and yell so much.

WHAT?!

thankfully mary's mom was with her and totally handled the situation. she told them right away the boys are deaf and have no idea how loud they are. the cops came in and looked in all the rooms anyways, but mary and her mom said they were very nice and understanding and would let the people who called know about the boys. and that was that.

i of course started crying when mary told me. i had just been talking to andrew earlier that day about how i don't know how much longer i can handle the constant yelling, and then this happens. and just the thought of cops being in our house, looking in on my sleeping boys, and us not being there made me emotional. AND of course i think about how we are going to have to deal with stuff like this (hopefully no more house calls from to po-po!) for the next 18 years. i don't want my boys to be "different", to have to constantly explain their situation, to have other kids stare and point once they get their implants, to potentially struggle with hearing and speaking. so all these emotions came to a boil and i lost it.

i'm also so nervous to be home alone now during the week, wondering who's listening and if i said something to emery that could be interpreted wrong or if the boys are yelling away but outsiders can't see the smiles on their faces. so if you ever walk by our house and hear screaming, come knock on the door before calling the cops :)

never a dull moment with these gingers!

what is auditory neuropathy?

both of our boys have the exact same type of hearing loss. and the crazy thing is the team at our children's hospital has never seen auditory neuropathy in twins before. so they've kind of become a cute little science experiment. there are a lot of unknowns with AN because every case is different. no black and white answers like with other types of hearing loss. something happens in the auditory nerve that makes what you hear (if you CAN hear anything) sound distorted. so for those of us with normal hearing- when a car drives by and honks that sound enters our ear and our auditory nerve sends a signal to our brain saying "that was a car honking its' horn". but for people with AN, that signal doesn't get sent. and if it does it's most likely a wonky version of the actual sound so you don't really know what you're hearing. 

both oliver and judah can hear low pitch sounds that are VERY loud. like, we have to wear sound proof headphones when we go in the booth with them. and they don't even flinch. other than that they can't hear. with their hearing aids their hearing is ever so slightly improved, but not enough that that would be the solution. so we are hopeful cochlear implants will be the answer. there isn't a 100% guarantee, but the team we are working with feels very confident this route will be extremely effective. some days i think how the boys can't hear the trash truck beeping, the birds outside, their sister bossing them around, me saying i love you. and it makes me so emotional. you don't think about these sorts of things until it effects you and your every day life. i catch myself every single day making noise at the boys to get their attention and then stopping myself because hello, that's not gonna work! but we are working through it, and we know that one day soon these two cuties will hear us. 

welcome

the last year of life has been pretty insane. found out we were having twins. identical twins. identical twin BOYS. countless doctor appointments, ultrasounds, non stress tests. a super speedy-crazy-intense-amazing labor and delivery. two perfect tiny little babies just in time for christmas.

and then we found out they are deaf.

it's been this kind of weird, drawn out process. first we found out oliver has auditory neuropathy in his left ear, so we figured because he passed the newborn screening on his right he'll be ok. sure, one ear doesn't work but the other will and he'll be totally fine. then we go back to test his right ear and...same issue. we then begin the cochlear implant evaluation process. meanwhile, judah is asked to come in for a hearing test just to make sure he's ok even though he passed the newborn screening on both sides. and what do you know, he gets the exact same diagnosis as his brother.

so here we are. oliver has officially completed the evaluation process and has been approved for bilateral cochlear implants. and judah has just started the whole process. i really wanted to start documenting all of this for all our family and friends to stay updated and follow along this journey with us. because these boys are one big phenomenon over at children's. i mean, they are a phenomenon period. how the heck did we make identical twin boys with red hair and blue eyes?! and how did they end up with the rarest type of hearing loss?! craziness. so please follow along as we trek through this process...times two!